Iron Man 3

SPOILERS

Ok, here we go for real. The last "review" was a joke (and I know I'm not the first one to compare Iron Man 3 to The Incredibles), but I think it gave you a clue on what my feelings were towards this movie. I did that because.... I want you to understand. I do. I'm not going to beat around the bush, I hated every damn minute of this movie. I think I've made my thoughts on the previous Marvel Studios movies. I don't think there's a whole lot of master storytelling going on there, but they're fun. I wasn't a fan of Iron Man 2 but I loved The Avengers a lot, which gave me hope for this one. Then I heard Joss Whedon was a creative consultant, that the movie would deal with Tony Stark dealing with post traumatic stress disorder and would feature an overall darker and more self contained story. Hopes were high for me on this one. I should really learn to keep my hopes down.

Writing this review is going to be a tough one, because I really don't know where to start. I guess I could start off with the story problems. I'll just list them off, because I don't have time to go over them all (we'll be here all day)

-Tony can call hundreds of armours to him at the end but he wasn't able to call one when the Mark 42 broke down and he was stranded? 

-The Mandarin. Don't worry, we'll get into it.

-Not one makes sure that Rhodey is actually in the Iron Patriot armour before he gets on Air Force One. The Secret Service sucks.

-Did anyone really think Pepper was dead? I know we have to have the "Oh no she's dead!" moment, but we pretty clearly saw her get the Extremis powers. It was about as tense and emotional as reading a car manual.

-What was Aldrich's motivation? Seriously, what? He hated Tony Stark and swore revenge. And.....? That was really enough to go to all these lengths? If the villain's motivation doesn't work then the whole movie doesn't work. 

-The whole thing was a cop out. "Tony's journey is over." Bull! Even if Robert Downey Jr. doesn't play him, Marvel confirmed Tony will return. And do you really think Marvel will be able to resist putting Tony in the suit again? His whole "journey ending" was nothing.

-For that matter, why have that ending? The idea of Tony getting the shrapnel surgically removed is literally introduced in the last 30 seconds. Hell, the idea of Tony retiring Iron Man is introduced in the last minute. Uh, where did that come from? But tacked on, no?

-I know I said this already, but the whole thing was a rip off of The Incredibles. Seriously, the whole damn thing.

-Why did Tony give his home address away? That would be stupid on a normal day considering how many paparazzi and super villains would love to get that information. But on this day there's a terrorist who wants him dead. World's smartest guy? I don't think so.

-The Extremis powers are hilarious. A fire breathing Guy Pearce? I shouldn't be laughing at something that important!

-That post credits scene was a total waste. I realize that's basically a nitpick, but it bugged me.

-This movie was set at Christmas, which is rare for a comic book movie. Batman Returns took advantage of this and it gave the movie a unique atmosphere. This movie didn't take advantage of it at all.

-Why did (ugh) Trevor totally spill the beans on everything to Tony? Don't you think he'd be a little more aware of what was going on, or at least sworn to secrecy?


Those are the big things. But what I haven't talked about is just how anti climatic this was. Tony Stark spent maybe twenty minutes in the suit and goes for long stretches without it. That's ok, especially when Robert Downey Jr is doing such a good job, but it got boring after a while. The movie is often boring and badly paced. I think that's about it for me. I really didn't care for this at all. I didn't think they could get worse than Iron Man 2, but there you go. Shame on you Shane Black.

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....Ok. The twist. You know what I'm talking about. The twist with the Mandarin. You have to understand that the Mandarin is to Iron Man what the Joker is to Batman. It's his arch enemy and has been for years. The twist is that the Mandarin seen in the movie is actually an actor, and that Alrdich Killian is the real villain. I may have been more okay with this if I didn't totally love what Ben Kingsley was doing with the character. No he's not Chinese, but he was dark, intense and actually kind of scary. I hated how they turned that into a joke. Batman Begins did this same twist much better. Liam Neeson's "Ducard" is much more interesting than Ken Watanbe's "Ra's Al Ghul" to begin with and Neeson actually makes a much better Ra's Al Ghul that is truer to the original spirit. Killian had nothing to do with the Mandarin at all, and I think it was a slap in the face to tease a really good and interesting Mandarin and then do this. Screw you, Marvel. I'm really holding out hope for Thor: The Dark World, but this crap sucked and served as a terrible end to the trilogy.